???

Have you ever just been so disappointed that there are no words to formulate the thoughts that you have running through your head. Or something happen that you just have to ask Why God? That is happening right now. I don't want to put down words until I get the facts, but I am so speechless and hurt that I don't know what to do. If this is God's plan then why did everything fail into place so easily like it was meant to be, for it to just go away. To wonder how you are going to get through the day much less the week or month. When you put all your support behind someone or something for them to fail after only a few days? I just don't get it.

Where did June go??

Is it just me or does time seem to be speeding up? I swear it was just May last week. I find that I get myself caught up to turn around and get behind. I live by today lists and calendars, whether it's on my phone, my Louis Vuitton agenda, or various slips of paper or post it notes that I find around the house or in my purse. So that leads me to ask a question-Is living by a to do list making me miss out on living? Is that why it seems like time is moving so much faster because I am not enjoying it?

Let's face it I have to work. I don't have the luxury of being a millionaire who can vacation wherever and enjoy life. My days I have off are spent doing things around the house or getting caught up with my volunteer work. My mind never switches off. This is probably why I feel like time is rolling past me. I wish that we didn't live in such an expensive time, where we could actually take the time to smell the roses instead of saying in a minute, an hour, a week.....

In the words of David Wooderson from the movie Dazed and Confused "The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N." I guess I need to get out there and try this.

Stress

I worry. It's my natural instinct to worry about everything and anything in my life. If I am not worrying, then I am not living. I worry over every little thing. Yes, I know that worrying is pointless, but sometimes it makes me feel better, like I may have a little control over things. I also feel like I have to worry some for my husband because he has the most laid back attitude, and stuff just rolls off of him. It infuriates me that he can have such a cavalier attitude. I can sit and rant and rave over things and he just shrugs his shoulders and goes on. I have found that most men are like this. Just once I wish that I could have the peace and tranquility for one day that my husband has all the time. Then just maybe I could get 8 hours of restful sleep.
I am sure that I am slowly putting myself into an early grave. Okay time to try the deep breaths and see if that will work.

I STINK

at blogging, but that will change over the course of the next few weeks. I will be spending much more time on my computer since I am teaching summer classes, of which two are on line. This is going to be a frustrating summer as well since I am in the midst of starting the chair position for the Junior League of Charleston's Whale of a Sale.
I keep telling myself what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....I think I can I think I can!

Books Books and More Books

One of 5 book shelves-this is in the den

I love books. What a simple sentence, but it best describes me. Books have been an integral part of my life from the time I was a baby when my mother and father would read to me, to the time I picked up the first book to read at the age of 3. Being a history professor dictates that I am supposed to love to read, but my appetite for books far exceeds the norm. Last time I counted I had over 6000 books. Most of them are packed away in boxes in my attic just waiting for a spot on a shelf. I have 5 bookshelves in my house right now and can't wait to be able to dedicate a very large room to walls and walls of books! I can't not walk into a bookstore and not purchase a book. I spend as much on books as I do on shoes, and let's face it, I have never met a Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin that I didn't like. So I may drop $700 on a pair of shoes, but I can guarantee I have spent close to that on books over the course of a few months.

Being an only child of a very over protective mother, she always monitored what I watched on TV, instead suggesting that I read a book. Little did she know but I fell in love with the printed word. I still have the first book that I bought with Christmas money- it was in 1979, I was 4 years old, and had fallen in love with the English monarchy. The first book I bought was on Queen Elizabeth II and her family. Yes, light reading for a 4 year old. I couldn't grasp all the words and remember spending hours staring at the pictures of her, especially in her crowns. I could identify because I was into my 4th year of pageants and loved prancing around in my crowns and tiara's!

Me at age 5, the year I won Little Miss Dixie Darling and Little Miss United States



Since my TV was so closely guarded, I would escape for hours on end into a good book. I could become that princess, or Juliet, and thank goodness my mother didn't understand just how explicit the Flowers in the Attic series were. It's where I learned the beginnings of what sex was! I slowly found that I loved anything romantic, especially if it was historical. I also developed a passion for the mob and had a major crush on Al Capone and Meyer Lansky, and anything to do with the Roaring 20's. I also discovered Sweet Valley High, and any number of series after. Oh to be Jessica Wakefield! I devoured the classics, War and Peace, Pride and Prejudice, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Alcott, Browning, Voltaire, as well as good old southern history, like Gone with the Wind. It was my reality of sorts, my pretend world where I could be anything that I wanted. I was Ponyboy Curtis' girlfriend so many times!

Once in high school we were forced to read many good books and I didn't seem to enjoy them as much. I went back and re-read quite a few after college and was angry at myself for not appreciating them more. In college there never seemed to be time for recreational reading as a history major. I normally took 2-4 history classes a semester and some of my classes would require 5-9 books, as well as supplements and textbooks to go along with it. History overload for sure. Then in grad school it was the same all over again. I know from 2001-2003 I didn't read a book because I was so burned out from getting my masters. But I can tell you this, had I not been a history major, I never would have read Mein Kampf, Within a Plantation Household, Southern Honor, Four Hours in My Lay, the Twelve Caesars, Mary's World, The Devil in the Shape of a Woman, Over There, The Weimar Republic Sourcebook, and the list goes on and on and on.......

Today I love to unwind with a good book. Because I teach history and have to read 250 research papers a semester, I tend to shy away from history books unless it's on my favorite periods-the Russian Revolution, early Scottish or English history, or Civil War. I normally turn to romance, usually historical in nature, where I can get lost with the dashing Scottish highlanders, or the cowboys of the old west. I always try to keep the ladies in the books I read strong and independent. Of course, I have fallen prey to the True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse series, Twilight Series, The Hunger Games, and the 50 Shades series-and have no problems admitting that I love Eric, Edward, and Christian! I still can't pass up a good book by John Jakes, Pat Conroy, Mary Balogh, Linda Lael Miller, or Charlaine Harris. Of course I can still get lost between the pages of an Austen novel that I have read a hundred times. The bottom line is, I love books.....



My dream library-heaven!!!

A dog's life

I have two dogs, two very spoiled dogs. I sometimes will stare at them when I am at home working, and they are asleep in their baskets, or around my feet. I reflect on just how easy they have it. Since I don't have children yet, I have taken to calling or referring to them as my children. I find myself saying things like "The kids need to go out, or The kids need feeding".

My Chihuahua is 11 years old and has been the most steadfast and loyal a companion that a person could ever ask for. We have been through so much together, and it breaks my heart to see him looking and acting older. I remember when I first got him- he was a rescue, and so full of energy and love. We had so many adventures together, and I referred to him lovingly as "my boy". He came to me with the ridiculous name of "Tiny" and I decided immediately that I would fix that. I thought for days and pondered just what would fit this tiny little creature. He wasn't fixed, and I noticed that he had developed a fond relationship with a teddy bear on my bed. One day he was "making love" to it and his lipstick popped out. I think that it scared him because he immediately jumped off the bed and hid under it. I was laughing so hard, but then became scared because could the lipstick come all the way out and not go back in. Eventually it went back inside, and the name hit me- he would be called "Woody"! Now we have different variations of it, "Woodrow", "Woodrow Willy", and just plan "Wood". I adore this kid and my heart will truly break when the time comes for him to pass.

Two years ago when my husband was deployed, I got the brilliant idea that we needed a second dog. It was just that, an idea, until my cousin called to tell me that they had rescued a precious Yorkie puppy that needed a good home. I love yorkies, as my mother and aunt have them, and because I am such a proponent of rescue dogs, I said that I would take him. The minute we laid eyes on each other, that was it. I reached out my hands for him and he jumped into them, and would let go. We were destined to be partners. I kept his name "Charlie" since it fits, but I formally call him King Charles Phillip Arthur George". He also answers to "Shit Head" and "Damn it Charlie". This kid is pure love and all boy, and has the most precious under bite that makes him look like he is smiling all the time! He has been a godsend for Woody, as they play together, or in actuality Charlie wants to play and Woody just growls and runs from him.

They are my special shadows. I may complain about them, but I know that my world would be so lost without them. The unconditional love and affection they give, only asking for treats and belly rubs in return. Because they are rescue dogs (and come to find out not pure breeds) they have a different outlook and personality. It's like they know that I saved them from an abusive situation, and do everything in their power to please me. I just hope they realize that in the process they saved me as well.

Grading Hell

I am finally entering in to the final stretch of grading hell for the spring semester. For some reason this semester flew by, and while I am not quite ready to teach maymester and summer sessions, I am glad to see this one over. For some reason teaching 8am classes did not make me happy-and I think this is God's way of getting back at me for never taking 8am classes in college.
Again I have to wonder, after grading final exams, how some of my students made it out of high school, let alone can breath and think on their own. I really wish I could take some aside and just ask them what they think they are going to do with their lives if they can't pass a simple 101 class? Some of these kids are taking Western Civ for the 2nd and 3rd time!!!

Ok, this was a quick break, now back to grading. I promise that I will be more diligent once this is finished because there is some much of my life that I want to be able to document!