As like with most women (I think) I struggle with my weight. It is the bane of my life, the weight on my shoulders, I go to bed with it at night and think about it as soon as I get up. Not a moment goes by when I think about the extra weight I have put on since getting married 4 years ago. Seriously I think I have a thought about it every minute. Am I obsessed? Maybe, but obviously not to the point where I work out 4 hours 7 days a week, or starve myself.
I have noticed as I get older, I do have to work harder to maintain my weight, but come on, it's such a bitch. I have always been 10 pounds heavier than I should since my teen years. I was, and still am, very active, playing sports, dance classes, and now I have discovered Zumba. Before I could get the 10 pounds off in two weeks, but now it seems I take 2 pounds off and damn if I don't put on 3 more. In 2006 I started the Metabolic Weight Management program. You did shakes, took lots of vitamins, and an light dosage of an appetite suppressant. I lost a ton of weight fast, and kept it off for almost 2 years. Of course in that time frame I got married, and slowly stopped the shakes, and was eating horribly. Off and on since 2006 I have gotten back on the shakes, lost some weight, and then would go back to old habits. I can't wear any of my clothes, and thanks to Christmas and being off a month, I was eating desserts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Before Thanksgiving I had been doing Zumba 3-4 times a week, eating the same, but losing weight. Then I stopped. So three weeks ago I have started up my routine again with Zumba, but I still feel as big as a house.
Seriously I think about food all the time. It's like the damn food talks to me. I have all intentions of when I am dining out of eating healthy, when all of a sudden I have a cheeseburger and fries in front of me. How the hell did that get there? I am also an emotional eater. If I am happy, sad, confused, loved, mad, whatever, I am all ready to eat. I love sweets by far the most. It is my downfall, and what do you know, 4 chocolate covered Cadbury digestives called my name at noon today. Of course I had to answer it. Now I feel guilty!
I guess the moral of this exceptionally long blog post is to inspire myself to just say no. I need to make healthy choices if I am going to be around for a good long while. It's just so darn hard.
Why can't husbands pick up their dirty underwear from the floor nor keep a clean bathroom? I was just doing a little cleaning when I walked into my husband's bathroom, gagged, and turned around and walked out. I don't understand how a 41 year old has such a messy, gross bathroom?? When he gets home, I am going to threaten him by taking a picture of it and posting it on Facebook so that his friends and family can see it. If this is what going to The Citadel and spending 20 years in the Marines does for you, then God bless everyone.
End of rant!
I decided that one of my resolutions for 2012 was to be fearless. I look back over the 37 years of my life and I have so many regrets, most of which were my own fears of trying new things holding me back. Every second I am a little closer to dying, and I am tired of having that cloud of regret over my life. I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo to remind myself to be fearless in life. Every time that I look at it, I will think about overcoming my fear to go get another tattoo, the good pain that came with it, and the mark that I will have the rest of my natural life.
2012 is about me, finding myself, discovering exactly who I am, instead of trying to be so many different labels that fit the needs of those around me. This is the year of figuring out what I am to do with my life, whether it is to be a history professor, or if there is something else out there that God intended for me to do.
Today Charleston was unseasonally warm for January. So much so that I had students show up for their 8am class in shorts, even though at that time it was 56 out. Now, there were times in my scholastic career that I did wear shorts at inappropriate times. I knew I looked stupid wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, but I did it anyway. Heck I still do it when I go to work out. What baffles me are girls that insist on wearing short, t-shirts, Uggs, and a scarf when it's either 80 or 56 degrees outside. I saw my first student on campus in just that today. It is a seasonal walking contradiction. I don't get it. I am not putting down any of the articles of clothing, but wearing them all together? I love Uggs, I have gone through a few pairs of them, but I only wear them when it is seasonally appropriate. I love my Burberry scarf, but you aren't going to see it on me when it is 92 with a humidity level of 100%. I just want to look at these girls and say it's not cute. You look stupid. You look ridiculous, and one day you will reflect on it and see just how much. Just like I did today when I thought back to wearing paper shorts, keds, and sweaters when it was 50 out.
I have always tried to live a very active life style. I do have spirts where I am extremely lazy and don't do anything for weeks or months, but let's face it, if you want to mentally feel good you need to do something. Since getting married 4 years ago I have slowly put back on the 20 pounds that I had lost before the wedding. I know what I need to do to not gain weight, but I like food too much. I am not going to deny myself, hell you only live once. I just know that I need to step up working out if I am going to eat out every night (and yes so far since Thanksgiving we have done that).
I love to dance. I took dance for 17 years, and actually started back lessons last year. I never thought at 36 that I would be in a dance recital again, but hell if I wasn't. While I enjoyed tap and jazz class, it wasn't doing it for me. I discovered Zumba over the summer and like most of America I am hooked. Thank God where I take doesn't have mirrors or I would never ever step foot in the class again. I get out there on the floor, shaking what God gave me, and thinking I am ready to be featured in a music video. Tonight I took a class, and got a little too much into it. I think I pulled a butt muscle, if that is even possible.
Of course after I sweated 10 pounds off, I go eat it plus some back on at Zaxby's. It's a vicious cycle.
Oh well, I will be at class tomorrow night shaking my ass thinking I am on dancing with the stars.
While the title would say otherwise, I named my blog "Musing from the Kitchen Counter" because that is where my lap top is set up at the moment. This is my office for the time being while I clean out the extra bedroom that will be the office one day. I decided to start blogging because I have finally faced the fact that I am not good at writing my feelings and emotions down. I start out great, journaling everyday the first few weeks, then it slowly dwindles down to once a week, then once a month, till one day I find it covered in a layer of dust. Since I spend so much time on this damn computer, why not put this site to good use. I am going through some things right now and the best way to sort it out is through this. I don't want to pay some shrink to tell me I am fine. So, if you don't mind a little of dribble, mixed in with snarky remarks, then follow. There will be laughter, tears, heartache, pain, love, fantasy, everything you can imagine rolled into one big fat drama of a blog. Enjoy the ride! H