Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I want to eat everything in my kitchen

As like with most women (I think) I struggle with my weight. It is the bane of my life, the weight on my shoulders, I go to bed with it at night and think about it as soon as I get up. Not a moment goes by when I think about the extra weight I have put on since getting married 4 years ago. Seriously I think I have a thought about it every minute. Am I obsessed? Maybe, but obviously not to the point where I work out 4 hours 7 days a week, or starve myself.
I have noticed as I get older, I do have to work harder to maintain my weight, but come on, it's such a bitch. I have always been 10 pounds heavier than I should since my teen years. I was, and still am, very active, playing sports, dance classes, and now I have discovered Zumba. Before I could get the 10 pounds off in two weeks, but now it seems I take 2 pounds off and damn if I don't put on 3 more. In 2006 I started the Metabolic Weight Management program. You did shakes, took lots of vitamins, and an light dosage of an appetite suppressant. I lost a ton of weight fast, and kept it off for almost 2 years. Of course in that time frame I got married, and slowly stopped the shakes, and was eating horribly. Off and on since 2006 I have gotten back on the shakes, lost some weight, and then would go back to old habits. I can't wear any of my clothes, and thanks to Christmas and being off a month, I was eating desserts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Before Thanksgiving I had been doing Zumba 3-4 times a week, eating the same, but losing weight. Then I stopped. So three weeks ago I have started up my routine again with Zumba, but I still feel as big as a house.
Seriously I think about food all the time. It's like the damn food talks to me. I have all intentions of when I am dining out of eating healthy, when all of a sudden I have a cheeseburger and fries in front of me. How the hell did that get there? I am also an emotional eater. If I am happy, sad, confused, loved, mad, whatever, I am all ready to eat. I love sweets by far the most. It is my downfall, and what do you know, 4 chocolate covered Cadbury digestives called my name at noon today. Of course I had to answer it. Now I feel guilty!

I guess the moral of this exceptionally long blog post is to inspire myself to just say no. I need to make healthy choices if I am going to be around for a good long while. It's just so darn hard.

Me 2007 at my smallest

Me 2011 15 pounds heavier

I want to be that girl on the left again.

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